His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
