Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
