I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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