You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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