If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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