dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
