It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
