he was CRYING into my vagina
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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