When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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