so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
