Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
