Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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