I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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