Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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