Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
