Me. At least after what I've been through.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
