we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
