There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
