i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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