he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
