It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
