Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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