I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
