so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
