trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
