PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
