I cannot find my penis.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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