You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
