I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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