She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
