so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
where are my eyebrows?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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