So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
