Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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