time to smoke my breakfast
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
