He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
