did you get engaged???
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
