i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
