so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
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Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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