Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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