Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
