Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
