he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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