Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
