Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
