Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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