if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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