Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
