The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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