whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
