hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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