well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
