we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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