Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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