I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
