Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
These tits shall not be calmed
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