i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
