How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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