Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
