Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
