So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize