Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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