I think I just saw someone hide a body.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
