I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
