I want to make a zoo with you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
