is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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