highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
