I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
