you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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