beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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