I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
